Yemen

Yesterday my boyfriend informed me that he has made the decision to apply for a one year mission trip to Yemen.
I don't even know where to begin dissecting this one.
We've been dating for nearly 3 years- and there is honestly no end in sight for our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. We love being together, but neither one of is ready to commit to a marriage.
Yemen, however, is so far away.
I am so torn. I have felt often, in my relationship, that I am in a waiting stage. I know a marriage between my boyfriend and I could work. But mostly, I wonder if he knows that. Most of the time, I know it's not my job to convince him. It's God's. Even if a marriage between us could work, that doesn't mean it's the best God has for both of us. Maybe it would work even better with someone else.
I don't know.
I think those are the kind of questions that we haven't been able to answer as a couple. Are we made for each other? Or for someone else?
Now, there's this trip to Yemen, and any logical person would think that God is closing the door on our relationship. That's it. Say bye. The boy is going across the world.
And I am most hurt by the fact that he kind of put down the life I am living with this decision. In the assumption that those of us working 8-5 jobs, doing the same thing every day, living the simple life are somehow not really adventurous, we're not really living the gospel, we're not really doing anything for Jesus.
So, now I am at work and feeling like my job is meaningless.
And I think that on top of everything that was already happening, that is the worst blow.
You are not really living radically for Christ.
This isn't what he said, but it's definitely what I heard.
I told him I support his decision to go, but not as a girlfriend. I will gladly be his friend while he is overseas. I will gladly support him financially, and if God is calling him to do something, then I don't want to stop him.
But, I can't be the girlfriend forever- with no promise or even hope of a future while my boyfriend careens around the world having the time of his life, completely forgetting the girl he left behind, and maybe even deciding to stay in Yemen permanently.
I think we have passed the line of what is considered "fair" to ask of me in a relationship. I know life for God is not fair, but I am torn as to whether my heavenly father would just want me to let someone lead me on forever.
If he does, I hope he shows me, and enables me to do it. I have no possible idea how I will cope with this. What if my boyfriend comes back and decides then that he wants to do something else, somewhere else? How long do I wait around? 5 years? 10 years? With no talk or even glimmer of a future commitment?
I just can't do it.
I'd rather accept that we're not meant to be, and begin the process of moving on.
Maybe I am just a do or die type.
God, how I wish I could break down this entire office with a machete and suggest these people do something real, something radical. I envy him. I envy his freedom, his ability to get up and go, the way he can just DECIDE to go somewhere. I am so angry that I am stuck to the ground with loans and relationships and GARBAGE. I feel like I have failed on a magnitude so great I don't even know how to describe it.
You are ordinary.
Your boyfriend wants to be extraordinary.
And you're not invited.
Thanks.